Oh dear….one of the few downfalls of travelling to tropical places, such as Hawaii is dealing with all of the critters that otherwise don’t exist back home in the cold throes of Canada. For that, I am grateful. If, rather when:-), we hopefully move here, I think the fumigator will become my best friend on speed dial. For some reason, my husband always seems to be indisposed leaving me to conquer episodes with praying mantises and cockroaches. I think he plans his bathroom breaks and naps around their schedule. As my dad would say, “There’s something fishy” about when he chooses to do those things.
When I lived on my own in my old house with my beloved German shepherd pup, Duke, the most that he and I had to deal with was getting rid of spiders, albeit my worst nightmare. Now, once again, thankfully they are nothing the size of what would be here, but just the same, finding one and then having to kill it was always a big ordeal. Because God forbid, if I didn’t do away with it, there was always a chance that it would actually continue to crawl around my house with the possibility of it cozying on up to me in bed, which has happened, by the way. I still cringe at that one!! To avoid that however, upon seeing one, I was forced to break out my trusty spider stick, which always lie at the ready in my dining room window sill. Here’s how the scene would play out:
“Duke, help! There’s a spider…”
“Ruff, ruff,”, pant, pant!
“Well, do something about it buddy!”
“Ruff, ruff,”, pant, pant! As he diligently followed behind me…never in front! The wuss:-).
“Time for the spider stick, hurry. Keep track of him.”
“Okay, where is he? Ahhh…there he is. Eeks! So, you really aren’t going to help me out here, are ya?”
“Ruff, ruff, ruff!”
Readying the stick for prime position so as to kill it upon first strike, I would inevitably scream, “Ahhhhh…!!!!”, as I jabbed the stick as hard as I could into whatever surface the spider was on in the hopes that only remnants of it were left on the bottom of the stick. All too often, though, I was forced to try again…
“Oh no, Duke….it jumped! What the heck? Where’d he go now? Eeeeks! Find him.”
“Ruff, ruff,”, pant, pant! Leaving me to half trip over him, as he still followed sheepishly behind. Honestly, some protection he was; luckily, he was cute and helpful in other ways.
“Oh my God, Duke…we gotta get him! Okay, ready?! Here it goes…,” at attempt number two with the stick. “We have to get him this time, no fooling around, okay?”
“Ruff, ruff…ruff, ruff!!!!”
And, so that scene between Duke, myself and whatever spider would play out over and over again, as many times as was needed to ‘take care of business’ so to speak, which unfortunately seemed to happen weekly; much to my neighbour’s dismay, as I’m sure he often wondered what all the screaming was about next door, particularly if the dining window was ajar. Ironically, now that I have lost my furry pal, memories of he and I fighting spiders together (well, mostly me) is one of my fondest.
Now, fast forward to two days ago, when I was out on the lanai, leisurely taking in the scenery and some reading as my husband napped…of course.
I went into our condo to get something and as I closed the sliding door behind me to head back outside to my lounge chair, I noticed some legs right next to the glass at the bottom of the inner track. Being the same colour as the slider, I had no idea what lived there and to boot, the stark realization that I was in my sock feet, with no spider stick, left me a bit paralyzed. “Holy, *#@$! What do I do now?” Once again, where is Darren when I need him? For Pete’s sake. Just like the time, a praying mantis landed on me in the dark our first night here last trip and he watched me freak out from the other side of the glass too scared to open the door to let me in for fear of letting it in. The truth in our seven year marriage came out that night—when the going gets tough, fend for yourself;-).
Just as would be the case with Duke, I knew darn well that there was no snowball’s chance that I was leaving the sucker with legs on the track of our lanai doors so that it could head on in and find me in bed later that night. No Sireee!!! I would just have to rally up my spider attacking skills and get on it. Thinking and watching carefully, I opened the slider door lightning fast and dodged back into the condo to get my shoes to perhaps step on it? But, when I came back, I was too scared to open the door again. What if it flew in, or crawled in? Bending down to get a closer glance, I deduced that it wasn’t a spider, instead it seemed to resemble…a scorpion?!? ‘Oh my God, aren’t they deadly? What if it manages to get a hold of my leg as I try to step on it? Oh man, this isn’t good!!!! AT ALL.’ Not wanting to wake my husband, who had been up two nights in a row awaiting our late luggage, I knew that I would have to try something. I gathered up a newspaper, craftily sliding the glass a hair at a time (not easy to do, by the way) and tried to scoot it away from the door. Managing to bump it a little ways, I could then see that it was a cockroach. ‘ Oh sweet Jesus.’ (Funny how religion comes into one’s vocabulary in situations like this…no offence intended.). Once again, gathering up my paper into as strong a force as I could get it, I continued to push it along when suddenly…..it disappeared?!? ‘Now, where did it go? Oh great, now I’ve lost the thing. Why didn’t I just step on it?’ Reluctantly, I ever-so-delicately lifted up my paper to give it the slightest of shakes. ‘Nope, nothing. Hmmmmm…’. After looking high and low, it was nowhere to be found. It just plain up and vanished…’Great!’.
The truth is that as I sit here on our lanai, typing this out, I can only hope that it had somehow flown away–they fly, don’t they?–and that it didn’t end up going backward toward the still-open slider. I just realized this very minute that I had left the door open in case I had to deke back in. ‘Oh geez!’ That means, friends, that there still remains the slightest of chances that it crossed the forbidden threshold of our VRBO. Yikes! Well, with that thought, you can bet that this blonde girl will be checking under her covers tonight and every other night until we bid farewell to our tropical paradise.
May your day, and ours, be roach-free!