In keeping with the times, I’ve decided that I have a list of things that I am offended by as of late. No offence intended.
1. Zebras—their stripes bother me! I feel that they are too linear, too black and white. Personally, I’d like to see some grey in there. It would make me feel better.
2. Roses—their thorns are prickly. annoying and hurtful, and I don’t feel that they should be allowed in the environment.
3. Books—they always begin a relationship all closed up, whereas I try to keep my pages open for all to see. As a result, we are always in conflict with each other.
4. Sparkling water—why does it need to be bubbly? Can’t it just sparkle like it claims? The bubbles upset my stomach and I don’t like it.
6. Candy floss—is a highly offensive word pairing that should NEVER be placed together. Just ask your local dentist.
5. Forks—I feel that they should have more tines spaced closer together, then I wouldn’t risk jabbing my food only to have it go flying somewhere else. I just don’t understand why they aren’t designed better by now.
7. Chocolate bars—some aren’t shaped like a bar at all, so they should be classified differently. The name is very deceptive and I don’t like false advertising.
8. Pant suits—my husband can’t stand them, so I am offended that he’s offended.
9. Saran Wrap—it doesn’t stick to anything but me! What’s the point?
10, Mosquitoes—they draw blood and then die. How insulting! I mean, if they are going to help themselves to my plasma leaving me all red and welted up, the least they can do is live.
11. Lactose—I’m intolerant of it. Period.
12. Lists—they are limiting and they make me feel bad when I don’t complete them. Actually, this list is beginning to make me sad, so it’s time for me to call it quits. I just can’t cope!
P. S. I’m not offended if you took me seriously. Seriously. 😉