Is It Just Me?

I don’t know about you, but I’m getting kind of sick of COVID-19. Thankfully, I’m not sick from it, just of it. The other day especially, this whole mess of protocols that we have to follow and the everlasting risk of coming down with it really got to me. In fact, I’m even partially annoyed with myself for writing yet another blogpost with mention of the virus again; in truth, its unforgiving, downright cruel and nasty nature doesn’t deserve the real estate it’s getting on here and everywhere else, but writing about it helps me to process my feelings better, so here we are.

It’s odd how this whole pandemic thing seems to work. Since its arrival, I’ve had a good share of days wherein I seem to be able to accept our ‘new normal’ and go about my business without a ton of thought or focus on the coronavirus. Other days, the mere mention of it really cranks my buttons and I just want it to up and disappear. Forever and ever, Amen! The mask wearing which covers up a good chunk of our identity and expressiveness and muffles the sounds of our voices is one thing, but the endless use of sanitizers here, there and everywhere is ridiculous. I have come to really despise it actually. Even one of the health nurses advised me against the frequent use of sanitizers saying that hand washing is really the best defence whenever possible. But that’s the problem… I don’t have a sink and soap pump in my vehicle and even if I did, stores and such would still demand the use of sanitizers before entering and I don’t blame them. They are just trying to keep their space safe and stay in business.

Lately, however, I find myself skipping store visits and other stops simply because I cannot fathom sanitizing or masking up or worrying about what I’ve touched one more blessed time and I just end up coming home instead. Now, if you knew me well, you would know that it would be a rarity for me to pass up an opportunity to go shopping or pick up a few things since I’ve always prided myself in scouting around for good deals or neat finds. Not anymore. Really, it feels like COVID has and is robbing me, us, of so many things (relationships, time, opportunities) and it’s ticking me off. The hard part to swallow is that we haven’t even entered round two of this whole pandemic yet. Sure, we are on the rise in numbers, but we haven’t seen anything given that the ceiling is about to be blown off of this place as cold/flu and back-to-school season takes a hold of us all in one way or another.

I guess that a good part of what angers me about this virus is that oustide of things in our home, much has changed in the way daily life operates these days—at work, running errands, shopping, meeting up with family and friends and/or the lack thereof. And travel?! Well, forget it. Yet, in the overall scheme of things, I also know that we are fortunate that we are healthy and that our basic needs are met and then some. Not everyone world-wide can say that, that’s for sure. So, I try to be thankful and look for the positives, it’s just more difficult to find them at times when I’m stuck in this pandemic ‘woe is me’ phase.

This past Wednesday, the catalyst for this sick-of-COVID post, my brother and sister-in-law celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary. By themselves. Well, my parents did visit them briefly the night before, but that was about the extent of things other than them taking themselves out for dinner. I guess that you could consider dining out as somewhat of a celebration in and of itself these days, but in comparison to times past, it isn’t really anything special. I mean, twenty-five years of marriage is a real milestone and to not be able to have your friends and loved ones around to help chime in on the occasion as freely and as readily as one would have before is sad. Same with getting together with my husband’s family. The last time we saw his brother and sister-in-law was in May, four whole months ago, and it was Christmastime when my mother-in-law was last here. Usually by now, my husband will have at least flown out once or twice to see her—not this year! Likewise with visiting friends of mine. I can count on my two hands how often I’ve gotten together with someone and that is most unusual given my wide circle of friends whom I would normally plan to see in a rotation of sorts. The reality of it is that we are all holding back on some fronts because we are all trying to keep ourselves and our little bubbles of loved ones safe. But man, at the rate that things are going, distancing, masks and the like will continue on for a good year or two yet and that might even be an underestimate since the coronavirus is said to be another strain that we will have to guard against going forward from this point in time. One can only hope that a viable vaccine, medications and building up our immunity to the disease will help to lessen the risks so that we don’t have to live in these disconnected bubbles of underlying fear and angst.

Do you know what else I find interesting as we teeter on entering another season, or wave two, of this all in the western world? Many people that I know of have had to deal with, or are presently dealing with some really heavy things including death, illness, and other personal struggles separate from COVID. Is it coincidental that these individuals are suffering other real-life tragedies more in this past year than ever before? I am not so sure if you want the honest truth. The universe that we all reside in is certainly off-kilter. Maybe there is a reason (or two or three) for everything that is going on that we have yet to fully understand? Climate change? Yes. Politics? Always, I’m afraid. Our Priorities? Indeed. The state of the world in general is hurting it seems.

That being said, as friend and I discussed the other day, there is a weird sense of joy that can now be found in little things that we once never gave a second thought and maybe that’s part of the lesson that we are all meant to learn. For example, my friend’s daughter recently exclaimed how happy she was that they had a chance to go out shopping together. Imagine! Shopping. Such a simple, sometimes inconvenient trip of days gone by, except that one now looks forward to the opportunity, especially when the shelves are stocked and the outside line-ups are minimal or non-existent. Who knew that that’s what we would have to look forward to a few months back?! So, shouldn’t I be even more grateful than I used to be knowing that things could be so much worse and have been for thirty million plus people, in particular a million of those who are no longer with us? Yes, and I am, but it doesn’t stop my COVID greys from turning into COVID blues or my rose-coloured glasses from turning a vibrant pink to a scarlet, fiery red at times. This is one of those times apparently.

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