Intrigued? I know that I certainly was when I heard that she was trying to get a hold of me. I will admit that the first time, now years ago, I’d learned that she’d wanted to talk, I wasn’t exactly sure what to make of it. What does my ex’s ex, the one whom he’d left me for-now also his ex (yes, he does have a pattern), want? Many things had crossed my mind including a possible apology, and oddly, I even found myself hoping that she was okay. I figured, however, that if it was important enough, she’d find a way to reach me (we’d had some common connections). Despite a few more hints about contact going forward, nothing more ever came of it and life went on, as it always does. That is, up until a couple of months ago….
Through a conversation with my mom, word had been passed along that my ex’s ex still wanted to get in touch with me and so, I reached out. I knew at this point in time, almost a decade later, that it must have had something to do with her needing to gain closure with things in the past. Sure enough, through a text, I learned that she wanted to send along an apology letter that she had written. There were some things that she needed me to hear and she freely admitted that it was likely more for her sake than mine when I told her that an apology really wasn’t necessary. But, I understood where she was coming from and I appreciated the honesty, be it a little late. The apology was obviously part of her journey and knowing where my own journey had taken me, I suspected that she and I must have had something in common or we likely wouldn’t have ended up with the same person. In that sense, I empathized with her and felt that I needed to hear what she had to say; if my hearing her could help her in the same way that other things had helped me gain a sense of closure, then so be it. The thing is that I never blamed her (I had met her during their relationship and actually quite liked her as a person–a little strange to say, I know, but true) because it wasn’t her whom I had loved, nor was she the one who had ultimately betrayed my trust. She may have played a part in things, but my ex is the one who chose to violate our relationship, strained or not, in lieu of theirs. And now, she, too, was the recipient of such a betrayal leaving her to understand more about being on the receiving end of things. Valuable lessons learned for each she and I. Thanks to which, I am beyond happily married and grateful for everything that has led me to my husband, including this most unusual connection and my previous relationship.
In the end, her apology was of some solace to me in that it finally gave me a chance to express how I felt in return and to learn a little bit more about how everything came about–not that it mattered much now, but it was still nice to know, as I had clearly been lied to. While the “sorry” would have been better heard from my ex years ago, I knew that he was/is simply not capable of it, nor would it have been sincere. Indeed, he’s on a journey of his own. No judgement passed, just a statement. In fact, I hope nothing but happiness for them both. And, if anything, I respect my ex’s ex for coming forward, which I am sure wasn’t easy to do, and owning up to her past mistakes. It definitely speaks to her character now, as I’m not sure how many people in her position would do the same–not only after all of the time that has passed, but in that nowadays simple text messages and swipes allow one to ‘blow off’ another without a second thought, strangers and friends alike.
My point? Our Crossing of paths with others might not always be fully known or even understood at the time, but those are often the very encounters which help steer us unto the right course for ourselves. So, open yourself up to others…you just never know where it may take you and in the end, remember that we are all in this same vulnerable state together–one called, LIFE.